Taking back control

The day I let go of all my stress and worries to take control of my life... just to enjoy a moment of sheer pleasure... just for me!

After a decade and a half of marriage, with a 2-year old child; having been traded in for the cliche that is the younger model, I felt old unattractive, downtrodden, frustrated and not in control of my time or my future.

I'd been on a brunch date with an older man. He was charismatic, well-spoken and with a definite glint in his eyes. I liked him, he liked me, but it was never going to be anything more than a few brunch dates.

At our last parting, we agreed as such, and he joked that if I ever needed a good seeing to I had his number. I'd always thought that older men might behave differently and more courteously... but no how I had been wrong...

On the day in question, my ex had yet again been so disrespectful that I had been left feeling anger like never before. I felt out of control and as if my life was not my own anymore. I needed a distraction and a release.

The older man lived virtually round the corner from me. I was a busy working Mum with a career and after having to drop my child off with her father, I knew time was of the essence and I needed to use it wisely.

My frustration soon turned to adrenaline-filled excitement after I impulsively sent a message to the older man stating that I needed a really good seeing to, but didn't have much time.

I've never had a one night stand or any sexual experience with a man almost 20 years older than myself. This felt out of character for me, but felt great!

He immediately responded inviting me round. I felt empowered and most importantly fully in control. I told him I would be there by 8:30 am. I quickly scraped my hair up, put on my nicer Mum pants and placed a flimsy summer dress over my braless physique.

I had come to feel ashamed of my body after my husband committed adultery following the birth of our child, but the combination of frustration and not being interested in a future with this older man meant that I could completely let go and relax.

I arrived at his house in the respectable part of the village and he was waiting to greet me at the door. As I walked towards him I wondered if I'd made a mistake, but didn't have time to consider this, because as soon as I crossed the doorstep he leaned in for a kiss and was peeling away my flimsy summer dress before the door was closed.

He took me straight to the bedroom and no words were spoken. I could hear birds tweeting in the quaint Village as it was so early in the day, and I wondered what his neighbours would think seeing me arrive so early to be scooped inside.

The light shining in through the windows highlighted every imperfection I may have had, but he seemed mesmerised. I felt wanted, sexy and most of all I was in charge. I had control over what happened.

As he thrust into me from behind, he asked if he could penetrate me elsewhere. I confidently and assertively said no before redirecting him to satisfying me orally. I was confident in navigating this situation asking for exactly how I liked to be touched and his gaze reinforced that he found this sexually attractive too.

After I came, I straddled him and let him take in my body as I thrust hard on top of him in the cold light of day. Looking into his eyes I felt him tense and come really hard.

I leant into him briefly and then moved away. We laughed and thanked each other for what was a memorable experience. With that, I felt my purpose and his had been achieved. I departed by 9 am feeling relaxed and in charge.

To this day, we remain text buddies. He texts to check in on me, and I know he'd like to experience that situation again, which is nice to know. In the past, this objectification would have unsettled me, but I was in charge of this particular experience and it has left me feeling empowered!